i can't sleep.

i was just passed out all over brisbane, from the time i hopped in the van after my shift as a promo girl at the doomben races (that was fun but i wished i was a guest, not working!) i was passed out on the highway, passed out in the parking lot while j picked up some bread cause my poor feet wouldn't fit back into my heels, passed out on the futon after dinner watching harry potter, too passed out to stretch, straight to bed. and now

i can't sleep.

i have a 10km race tomorrow. i'm gonna do really well with or without sleep. but it's frustrating that i'm insomniatic at the moment! i'm hot, i'm cold. maybe i need more water, maybe i slept too much this afternoon. maybe i shouldn't have had those dangerous cocktails last night... but that was so much fun!

*oooooohhhh!* here's news! after about a month of me saying to my coworker how much i wanted to take bollywood dance classes, i find out that some of my fave ladies just joined up for bollywood on monday nights! i'm *so* in!! and i can wear my new nike frees (5.0) for the lesson. i'm so happy they fit like a glove! so i'm gonna be bollywooding my booty all over town! and, to top it off, there's a hip hop something or other lesson right after for an extra $3 (making the total $10 for 2 hours) and it sounds like a blast (cause the other girlies are doing it too!) so i'm happy :) and j actually liked the idea! this does mean that, since it falls on a monday night, i will have to tape desperate housewives and brothers and sisters... the latter of the two being the show i am constantly getting in trouble for watching by the spouse. "why would you watch another trash show? you could be doing so many other things. blah blah blah"... he's in for it next time there's some stupid sporting event on tv that i couldn't give a flying fuck about, i'll give ya the tip!

did i already mention that i can't sleep? ... is it noticeable in that i am becoming a little more agitated as the minutes of sleep deprival tick on?

i read this month's entire cosmopolitan from cover to cover. (biz- article i gotta send you) i must say i am impressed at how the content reflects directly with what women of today want. the concise description of how to give a blow job represented for me the fact that women are now openly sexual creatures, that and the fact that every single month there is one article or another that gives girls tips on how to get the most out of your sex life, by yourself or with your partner shows that women are demanding/craving/loving satisfaction... i love that there are always sex health tips like the article on chlamydia or the ever present breast self-exam. i like the fact that there are all sorts of tips on how to maintain a healthy relationship as well as info for the newly single woman in her 30s (nicknamed saltys for single after long term something or other... cameron diaz and drew barrymore apparently fall into this category) ... now i'm not saying that it doesn't also represent the things women don't need, like more accessories and bad bubble skirts with opaque tights (*barf*) as well as cheesy ways to 'get him to do what you want'. style spotting on a-list stars, too skinny models (actually, cosmo isn't as bad as some mags, they do choose a wider range of shapes and sizes), hot beauty tips that, when attempted by most, make you look older, more wrinkled and less naturally beautiful. but all the cons being said, cosmo has always been like that. why would we expect it to change? i still like the bad relationship advice and hints on eyeliner. i am also liking the fact that girls out there are hearing more about sex, so it no longer causes so much fear and insecurity. last august (i think) the special sealed section featured plaster casts of 5 women's vaginas. you could see that each one was so different, and that was no right or wrong. the beautiful flo has a theory that if more women saw more vaginas, these insecurities wouldn't exist in such high numbers. i think self confidence would be secreted from our pussies. too many women feel ashamed, embarrassed or just don't know about 'down there'. admittedly, i can't count my besties in that category but y'all know that those girls exist! so bravo to cosmo for keeping up with and supporting us women and our changing attitudes. and for keeping me company while

i can't sleep.

it's not a full moon. so why

can't i sleep?

is it because i didn't go running today? i didn't have a second coffee. i did have the jitters from all the excitement of the races and the suits and ties, dresses ranging from gaudy to trendy, and hats and fascinators galore!!

it's raining now and

i still can't sleep.

but at least we get some moisture. it even rained last night! (so we all had a post-cocktail cuppa) here's hoping it reaches the dams.

it's 1 am and the neighbours just got home.

maybe i'll try reading one of j's ultra boring poker books. that might work. or anything en francais, my poor brain is so deprived of that language that my lips can't even curl around a sentence without tripping.

i'll try and sleep now.

and here's a little picture for anyone who made it to the end of this rambling crack-whore of a post...

what do you love?




make a list, so will i. i'll post it next week. deal?

sleep tight

-xo-

oh dear. facebook got me.

in other news, i have been pretty religious in my training this week. good good.

got a new phone and new running shoes (both free!)

jean-lou touched up my hair last week so i no longer look ferral.

i gotta go.

-xo-

ps i will post again soon

omigod it's like i'm on a posting rampage!!!

(well, not really... the one post from april 30 was actually written that day but i didn't type it out and slap it on the site until yesterday)

seriously, i am hoping to write more often. i realise that i write stories and stuff in my head all the time (complete with editing... signs of insanity no doubt ;) so, why not write it out loud? i would also like to do a creative writing class, for my own personal growth cause i haven't done a class in ages. problem is i need support on things like these and i'm getting a very non-committal vibe from hubby... a "yeah, that's nice" kind of attitude. hopefully he pulls his head in and realises that it is something i would like to do very much and we should consider it further- whether or not it leads to being published... classes can be for private benefits too. again, the nymphtress' lack of communication is her own fault and downfall! who knows, maybe he'll actually read my blog! *gasp*

(i love u if ur reading j!) *giggle*

hey- miss n is getting a credit card again! i haven't had one of those since back in mtl and that led to a little you know what! this card is a safe one though, it's a debit card in disguise. no one will give me credit anywhere with my lack of permanent residency!

but that means i can order shoes... or sunglasses (*aaaahhhh* spurt!)... online.

i was talking about boots on friday night- cause i have this HOT pair of black and white snakeskin print cowgirl boots that i can't take pictures of because my g-damn digi cam is on the fritz and i haven't the faintest idea how to fix it and j says not to take it into a shop cause he reckons he can fix it himself... *sigh* do all dudes do this!?

spiraling dangerously off topic...

i was reminded of these beauties that i used to strut around in



and i may just order them again ( i ordered them originally from http://www.snaz75.com )

but i also have my eyes on a cooler, more-suited-to-down-under version that i will definitely get my feet into:





the boot version is by far hotter. (as in 'that is *so* hot i want to lick 'em.')

today i ran a 5km race. i won't detail it here- i will continue my posting rampage and head on over to my marathon kitty site! and lunch on the waters of sanctuary cove- a private balcony table for two, delicious mediterranean fare! how romantic ;)

gros bisous!

-xo-

ps we're heading into winter here and the weather's fucking wicked. i think it was about 30 today, and sunny as!

just rubbin it in.

um, this morning i was at a train station on the gold coast returning from a sleepover at a friend's house.

it was a quarter to 8.

i went to use the washroom and while i was in my stall, some jerk stuck his penis under the stall wall. aside from not being able to figure out the sheer logistics of how this is physically possible as i was seing his prick from the top side, i was stunned, confused, pissed off, angry.

why didn't i step on it? the thought did occur to me. i was actually in the process of being ill from a panadol that i had taken for a mild headache caused by a couple more glasses of chardonnay than was necessary last night. note to self: panadol on an empty stomach *will* make me throw up whatever water i downed it with. so, at least i had my panties on. who knows if that creep had a camera. (by the way, i kept down everything else i ate and drank today. i know it was the panadol. i wasn't *that* drunk last night. giddy and hot but not drunk)

so, understandably, i was in no position of one with her wits about her.

which could be why i washed my hands before leaving the bathroom. there was a third person taking a morning poo in the other stall so i knew i wasn't alone with el creepo. plus, who'd've thought he would actually show his face to me?! (while i washed my hands i heard a funny panting noise)... as i was leaving, he came out of his stall (THIS WAS THE LADIES BY THE WAY) and mumbled something as i was opening the door. i was wearing my snakeskin cowboy boots and a (short) black skirt btw. as he started to say something, i gave the bathroom door a very swift, angry, backwards kick as if to say don't even fucking think about it. then i walked firmly and quickly to the newsagent where i was sure someone would be behind the counter. i told my story, briefly, to the lady behind the counter and she advised me to go straight to the clerk at the station office. i reported the incident to him and he came out of his office immediately and asked me to describe the guy. he walked a few feet and asked another station clerk who was just coming off a ciggie break "mate, have you seen a guy in a black shirt around?"
"yeah, i have. i just had a cigarette with him! he seemed kinda shifty- what's up? he's just around the corner too, i left him 5 seconds ago, he must still be there"
we went around the corner and there wasn't anyone there. this guy had jumped the fence and headed down towards the rails to avoid us.

things i need to confirm i writing while it is still fresh in my mind.
-i SAW him come out of the middle stall in the bathroom.
-i SAW his face.
-i SAW him from behind.
-i CAN identify him from a line up.
-he WAS circumcised.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww bad mental pictures. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. my poor poor eyes.

i also saw him, from the corner of my eye, as i dashed of the bus and headed straight for the bathroom feeling quite ill indeed. (i am *so* over panadol.) i don't know if he had been on my bus.

the nice station clerk told me to wait upstairs rather than on the platform for my train. he was concerned for my safety. as i waited, i noticed the gross gross man climbing the stairs up from the rails where he had hopped the fence in the first place. i rushed to the ticket window and said "there he is! that's him"

and i saw his face again. and i saw him walk away. and he walked. and, when called 5minutes earlier, the police were too busy to come to the station.

but there are cameras all over the train station. i have formally reported it. i realised, as i started to write a brief account, that i might as well write it in detail so that when the police ask for a writen statement i will have a reference in case the whole event wasn't burned clearly into my mind already, or in case i hadn't recounted it for everyone i work with at least 7 times. the cameras will have his face. at least the police can put his mug on file even if this whole ordeal is anticlimactic. ewwwwwwwwwwww... wrong adjective.

he was wearing a black dress shirt and dress pants. they were a little baggy on him. the shirt was untucked but creased at the back where it had been tucked in. he had dark hair and a healthy complexion. dark eyes. features were dark. he was caucasian. i'd say 20-25, not older than 30. short hair, styled too, a bit of gel, that whole faux mohawk kinda thing but not quite. medium height. not tall or short. medium build. not skinny, not muscley, possibly a bit of pudge but unsure cause of the slight baggyness of his clothes.

from the rest of this ordeal and converstions that ensued i gathered that he had dashed around the corner and had a smoke with the station clerk. apparently he seemed shifty. apparently he said that he had just walked into the wrong bathroom. (who says that?!) apparently he kept looking at his mobile phone. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

this all happened within the span of under 20 minutes cause my bus arrived at the station around 7:40-45 and my train left the station at 7:59.

and one of the reasons i spent the night on the coast was because everyone kept saying how the train was so dangerous at night. (one of.)

i'm exhausted. it's wiped out my thoughts for a lot of the day. i don't think it's a big deal to report it, i don't know how many people do. they should. everytime. these things could escalate. poking a willy under a bathroom stall could be the first step to poking a willy in an unwilling woman. and *that* is devastating.

would you feel upset and violated at something like this? irregardless of the fact that it was all before 8am on a saturday. (duuuuuuuude. not cool.)
would you shrug it off and say 'whatever'? i don't think that's a great response. us girls at work giggled a bit cause it is a tad ridiculous to us, what would the female equivalent be? shoving your tits under a stall door? (honestly, who throws a shoe?) but really, it is a total violation. completley inappropriate behaviour and should be stopped, don't you agree?

i work in a mall. i used the bathroom there during my shift today. i kept looking down at the division between the stalls with dread and disgust, waiting to see a penis there. how angry was i that it bothers me this much?

i usually read my posts before i post them to check for spelling mistakes and typos, edit and tidy my thoughts a bit. but this time i'm just hitting publish. apologies for any sloppiness but i'm on my way to bed to leave it all behind.

big hugs and be safe.
-xoxoxoxo-

(happy bday on this day to my delightful little brother mark! may this year be a fantastic one!)

i have been both physically well & yet still at peace lately. the only things really phasing me being my bodily limitations. (i guess overcoming these easily or training through them is what makes elite athletes so elite)

the past month has seen me settle ito my new job fairly well. feeling around for my own foothold- finding out where i fit in. it's pretty cruisy, relaxed work. i'm not jumping at any major goals at the moment, just going with the flow of the workplace... i am liking this phase of my life. i know i've had a similar phase in my life before. work doesn't encroach on play time and vice versa.

this weekend i've had such a sore throat! felt like something sharp & painful was lodged inside, destroying me further with each swallow. j was gone on saturday night, boy's poker night, so my evening was spent watching 8 episodes of sex & the city... season 6 (prrrrrow!)... and nursing honey sweetened pots of herbal teas.
and this afternoon- post blueberry pancakes, coffee and crosswords- i lazed in the hammock, swathed in my favourite fabrics: a colourful sarong, cambodian silk, sheer white cotton... and i finished a book. *the bride stripped bare* (by anonymous)... thoroughly enjoyed it! could relate to a lot of it. stories of young married life... have you read it flo? if not, i'll include a copy in your package :)

yes, so, the book was well written. stylishly so even. & it brought home sharply the fact that i am a wife (easier to forget than you'd think. i'm a partner, a woman, support, and yes, at times, a nagging bitch.) my mother-in-law warned me things would be different & i almost didn't belive her but, especially as the years pass and we're still just the 2 of us and minou, i guess the reality of it sets in. the intensity with which i will do things for my husband, caring things like if he had a bad day, is what you would hope for from a lover or girlfriend... the difference is, they are expected. this isn't a bad thing. i have expectations too. and that's not to say that our expectations are always met either. but we will voice our concerns (or, j will... i don't always. talking is still as difficult as ever for me!) and hopefully come to amicable crossroads.

i really liked how, in the book, each chapter was a lesson.
lesson 10- garments worn next to the skin are those which require frequent washing
lesson 58 - you ought never to keep anything whatever under your bed
lesson 37- upon girls and women depend almost entirely the domestic happiness of men

i think i am quite old fashioned sometimes. but then i go and defy my own stuffy notions.



j is typing away at the computer while i sit at the kitchen table and write this by hand. my paper has almost run out. my handwriting in terribly messy- out of practice. the lack of a delete key has left scratches and scribbles over incomplete words, phrases & ideas. it looks more alive now than it will once typed... i guarantee! but i couldn't resist my urge to write. i would write so much more often if i had the time. my little navy blue book is filled with jotted notes and lists... perhaps i will publish some of the tidbits?

get well soon!
-xo-